The world of modern dating can be fun, exciting and exhausting.
With so many dating apps available at our fingertips, there’s now a plethora of potential partners to choose from and many of us have swiped so much we’ve ended up with finger cramp. Finding a new boyfriend or girlfriend is no mean feat!
Since Match.com hit the scene in the mid-90s, technology has radically changed the way we find love.
Meeting someone off the internet has now become the norm for us singletons (at the agast of our parents). According to the BBC, dating apps were big business in 2017, with Tinder recording 57 million active monthly users.
And with other popular apps like Badoo, Happn, Plenty of Fish and Grindr also boasting monthly users into the millions, it looks like we’ve become a nation that’s more comfortable with sliding into someone’s DMs, rather than sidling up to them on a dancefloor.
Flirting has now become something that we do in a message; with no physical presence and less chance to embarrass ourselves
But what if we’ve forgotten how to behave when we actually meet someone in real life?
Or, what if we fancy going old school and hooking up with someone without a smartphone between us?
Well, our experts here at Sultry Secrets have some top flirting advice that will help you grab their attention and break the ice…
WHAT FLIRTING TECHNIQUE WORKS BEST?
According to the dating app Happn, a third of UK singles felt they lacked flirting skills, so if you feel like you need to up your game, you’re not alone.
The Metro reached out to readers to ask what techniques worked the best.
It would appear that whether you’re a guy or a gal, the rules around flirting are the same: be warm, genuine and interested.
If you can make them laugh, you’re on to a winner, but above all else, be yourself.
MAKING A CONNECTION
So, someone has caught your eye, how do you grab their attention? The best way to make an instant connection with someone you’ve just met is with eye contact and a warm, friendly smile.
Do: Hold their gaze for a few seconds when you get their attention. Be cool, look away and give it a minute before making eye contact again. If they’re still looking, give them a smile. If they smile back you can be certain you’ve made a connection.
Don’t: Hold eye contact for too long or you’ll look like you’re challenging them to an intense staring competition.
APPROACH WITH CONFIDENCE
If you’re meeting for a date that you’ve pre-arranged, approaching your conquest should be easy. But it’s a different game if you’re trying to approach the hottie you’ve been playing eye contact with for the last few minutes…
If you’ve got their attention and they’re reciprocating, don’t be afraid to lead the situation.
If they’re with someone or in a group, it can feel a little intimidating to just head over to them and start a conversation, but if they’re returning the gestures, chances are they’ll welcome you coming over for a chat. Or, you could wait until they go to the bar and take the opportunity to go over and say hi.
Do: Be open, relaxed and friendly. Don’t try too hard and the conversation will just happen.
Don’t: Send your friend over to say ‘my mate fancies you’.
LEAVE THE CHEESE AT HOME
A guy walks into a bar and says to a girl: “Is your name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get”.
The guy goes home alone.
Moral of the story? Chat up lines are super cringe and they’re outdated.
Do: Just don’t.
Don’t: That’s right… don’t.
KEEP IT LIGHT
Humour is a quality that’s always high on the attraction list – making someone laugh and vice versa is hot. Fact. So make sure you keep the conversation lighthearted and fun, especially if you’re on a first date or talking to someone new for the very first time.
Do: Say what feels natural – if you find a shared interest early in the conversation, this will make it easier for you to hit it off and help you gage their sense of humour.
Don’t: Feel like you have to launch into a well rehearsed comedy routine. Trying too hard is a real turn off, so leave the clown outfit at home.
When you’re nervous and worried about conversation flowing, it’s easy to get distracted and think ahead for something to say. So, when you’re chatting, make sure you’re listening to understand, rather than listening to respond.
Do: Pay attention. Listening to understand means you’re really listening to what they have to say, so you have more opportunity to ask questions about them – they’ll feel very flattered that you’re paying them attention.
Don’t: Keep jumping in with your own stories – this isn’t a game of Top Trumps.
GET A LITTLE TOUCHY
So, we’re not talking creepy levels of touching here – we’re talking about a small, gentle physical connection that will really tell them that you’re interested.
Do: At an appropriate time in the conversation, briefly rest your hand on their forearm. This will show that you feel comfortable and connected with them.
Don’t: Over touch as it will freak them out. Also, if you’re not a very touchy-feely person, and this feels unnatural to you, don’t force yourself to do it because the other person will sense it and it’ll just feel weird.
MAKE THE RIGHT FIRST IMPRESSION
You want to make a great first impression and you want to get to know the other person a little more. Some social lubrication can help settle the nerves, but just be mindful about how much you drink on the date.
Do: Have a drink if you want to, but if you want to make sure you stay in control, why not set a limit for yourself? Make sure you sip, rather than down and your nerves will melt away before you know it!
Don’t: Indulge in some pre-date drinks. While it may feel like a good idea, you could put them off – especially if they’re sober and you’re a little worse for wear. So, perhaps leave the sambuca challenge to the second date!
You’ve been brave enough to make contact, you’ve stepped outside of your comfort zone and you’ve made a connection with someone you like, so there’s no harm in being forward.
Do: Tell them you want to meet again and if they don’t already have it, give them your number. Sometimes you need to quit the games and strike while the iron is hot, so make sure you drop them a message after your date and tell them you had a great time.
Don’t: Leave it to them to make the next move – there’s no point in being shy and playing hard to get after all your hard work!